Of Folly And Of Vice

“Life is so amazingly rich and I know I have [cancer] to thank for making that realization more full than it normally would be at my age.”

I have written a lot of times about my friend, Jason, who we called “Sweet Pea”. He guested letters for me and was a big supporter of To Whom It May Concern during it’s run. I feel obligated, as supporters of TWIMC and readers of his words, to let you know that he passed away yesterday at 26.

A world without Pea is not a world I expected to live in when I met him eight years ago. He was just a kid from St. Louis, another new person to get to know in our isolated dorm. He had this captivating personality, hysterical observations and very specific time lines for the completion of tasks.

We did a lot of growing during our college experiences, as our lives intertwined into one another and weaved in and out. It was poetry, the way we all came together. We struggled, fought, cried, laughed, hugged, partied, cheered on our college team, and each other - together. As I wrote once before on the subject – “I sometimes wonder how people become friends and why the bonds can feel so strong. Like, in romantic relationships, there’s attraction, some sort of biology involved. What about friends? Is it just your interests? Is it something about intelligence? Humor? Is it just coincidence? What if I had chosen a different school, a different building, a different major? Would those people I encountered mattered as much to me now – an entire 7 (now 8) years later?”

And it hurts. It hurts so bad that I don’t even feel anything. And we are full of the “I should have…” and the “We were going to…” and that hurts even more. We all knew it could happen, but it didn’t feel possible.

There is so much to remember. I will remember this – everyday you will be in my heart.